32 Things I've Learned at 32

1 - Get Regular Therapy

The benefit of therapy is something I learned well before 32, but the benefit of regular (meaning frequent and consistent) therapy is something I had never experienced until this year. I have been in therapy every other week or more this entire year and the work has been tough but also the most important emotional work I have done in my life. In the past I have been in therapy on and off over the years, but always a few sessions here and there and always more sporadic on an “as needed” basis. What I have noticed about going more consistently is that there is so much more tracking and accountability of progress, so much more deepening and healing, and so much less less time spent on just “catching up” on what has happened since the last session. So if you are in therapy or feel like you need to be, I really encourage you to go regularly if you can to get the full benefit.

2 - Heal Your Skin (Or Deal With Whatever Is Taking Away Your Confidence)

I have hormonal acne, and it only began in the last few years. I never had a blemish at 16, but now that I’m older and should be clear of those concerns, my skin has been bonkers, and it has made me so self-conscious. I have dreaded weddings and social gatherings because my skin was flaring up. I have spent a stupid amount of money on products that haven’t worked for me. I have wasted a lot of time fretting about my skin. I always try to do things naturally, so I was really resistant to going on medication or use products that weren’t earthy. I decided this year that I was sick of feeling bad about my skin and that too much of my life was being limited because of it. So I went to a dermatologist, and committed to a regimen that includes both topical and oral medication and it has helped so much. I have also found a few products that really work for me and use them religiously and I am not afraid to spend money on them because they work. I am much kinder to my skin and don’t pick at it like I used to, and instead do regular masks and try to pamper it as much a I can. I don’t know why I waited to so long to get it under control, but I’m so glad to feel better about it now.

3 - Define a Seasonal Purpose

The scope of a seasonal purpose has been something new to my life this year. Instead of the daunting term “life purpose,” I much prefer thinking in terms of one season at a time. That doesn’t mean I don’t have goals that go beyond one season, but I find defining a focus for just a few months at a time to be way more uplifting and productive. I wrote a whole post just about this here.

4 - Never Stop Learning

This year I have taken writing classes, attended yoga workshops, and tuned into coaching webinars and I have taken away valuable content from each one. I know taking classes can be really expensive, but there are so many affordable ways to learn new skills and ideas. Get books, follow leaders and teachers online, look for opportunities in your community to learn. They are abundant if you seek them out, and each one will give you something worthwhile.

5 - Time Reading is Time Well Spent

I have read more this year than I have read any other year of my life. I will finish 52 books by the end of the year and it has been absolutely delightful to prioritize reading so much. I have tried reading different genres, different authors, different subjects than I have ever read before and I don’t think any minute I have spent reading this year could have been spent better any other way.

6 - Give What You Can

Philanthropic giving has always been important to me, but it can be hard to give when we are on a budget ourselves. I have shifted my thinking about giving to make it more accessible. We don’t have to give $1,000, we can give small amounts, like $25 to your local food bank before Thanksgiving. We can donate clothes or items we no longer need. We can subscribe to things we get value from like news sources. None of those are big financial commitments and they all give back to important things. Here are a few things I have given to this year: New York Times subscription, Larimer County Food Bank, Coats for Colorado, Junior League Career Closet, and Homeward Alliance.

7 - Get Specific About Saving Money

My husband is such a good saver and has helped me learn about making sound money decisions in our partnership together. The biggest thing that has helped me save is to get really specific about what I’m saving for. It’s hard for me to save for the sake of saving, but when I have a clear goal in mind like I am saving this specific amount to do a house project I really want to do, or go on a trip, or make an extra mortgage payment, then I’m all about it. Concrete saving goals work.

8 - Make Time Daily for Creativity

This year I have been religious in my morning pages practice. I journal almost every single morning and it has been so enriching. It gets my creative juices flowing first thing. I also knit, draw, arrange flowers, and write blogs like this to foster my creativity. Making time regularly for creativity makes it flow more easily and is a great way to relax.

9 - Be a Cheerleader for Others

There have been times in my life when I have been down on myself or unhappy with my current circumstances and so it has been hard for me to be happy for others. I’m not proud of this, but I’m being honest that in the past I have been triggered by someone else’s wins in a way that has made me not want to acknowledge them as much as they deserve. This year, I have really tried to be overt and expressive in supporting and celebrating my friends and family in their ventures and their good outcomes. It feels so good to acknowledge what someone else is doing and to let them know how impressed by them you are. That is how I want to show up for people - cheering them on. It is so much bigger and better than being petty and getting lost in comparison.

10 - Never Stop Saying “Yes” to New Experiences

This year I golfed for the first time, I joined a women’s full moon group, and I accepted a new job. We never know until we try, so try.

11 - Cut Out Toxicity Ruthlessly

This one is sticky for me. I often have my inner critic in my ear telling me I am mean or too harsh if I don’t want to go to an event or don’t want to spend time with someone, even if I get nothing positive from that experience or relationship. No more! Life is too short. There are situations and friendship that we know we always leave feeling depleted, anxious, yucky. It’s simply not worth it. Cut out toxicity ruthlessly and permanently.

12 - Invest In Your Own Healing & Health

Massage, reiki, retreats, gym memberships, doctor visits, supplements, healthy food, whatever the things are to you that add up to healing and health are worth spending money on. I know we all probably can’t spend as much as we would like to, but one thing I have learned is that if I budget for healing experiences I make them happen. Start by investing in one thing that is good for your health and notice how it makes you feel. Use that to motivate you to prioritize future health and healing investments.

13 - Get Outside as Much as Possible

This one probably seems basic, but with COVID and quarantine this past year the only way I have kept my sanity is by spending time outside. I try to hike almost daily, or at least do several walks (having a dog helps). But even just doing yoga on the deck, having a beer on the front porch, or going for a walk while I talk on the phone all lift my spirits so much. Think about things you do each day and see if you could move them outside.

14 - It’s Possible to Break Old Patterns

Even really old patterns, like things you have been doing since childhood, don’t have to stick with you if they no longer serve who you are today. This is work I am doing in therapy, and it takes focus and practice, but bringing awareness to the way we always do certain things that are dysfunctional allows us to break that pattern and form a new, more evolved way of being.

15 - You Are Your Own Harshest Critic

Seriously. From my coaching work and my personal work, it is heartbreaking to see how we all talk to ourselves, and how we can be so unforgiving of our mistakes! The way we assume others are judging us is almost always not true, and at the end of the day it simply doesn’t matter. Let’s be our own biggest supports. The world can be harsh, we don’t need to tear ourselves down from the inside.

16 - Your Home Is Your Sanctuary

This has been my first time in life as a homeowner, and there is something so sacred about nesting in a space that really feels like home. Decorate how you want, keep things clean, and eliminate clutter, because your space should be an uplifting respite from the outside world.

17 - Speak Your Needs

Nobody is a mindreader. Not your husband. Not your parents. Not your boss. Speak up. We are all setting ourselves up for failure by waiting and hoping for someone to notice what we need. Say the words.

18 - Learn to Negotiate

I negotiated a job offer this year more than I ever have before and even though it was scary it was SO empowering. Negotiating is essential, and one thing I learned this year is negotiating doesn’t need to be or feel confrontational. It can be calm, reasonable, and mutually-beneficial for all parties. Get clear on what your needs are before you go into it, but then remain open. Hear both sides, and keep the goal of moving forward in mind.

19 - Trust Your Instincts

Haven’t we all had the situation of wanting to just kick ourselves after we did something that didn’t feel right for us and we knew it didn’t feel right for us before we did it in the first place? So when you get that feeling in your stomach or however your intuition speaks to you, listen to it and trust it. Even if you can’t fully articulate it, or even if it doesn’t make “sense” right away, do not ignore your inner-knowing. It is always wise.

20 - Don’t Allow Clutter In Your Home or Your Life or Your Consciousness

Clutter is such a stress for me. When my desk is messy I can’t work. When my closet is in disarray I can’t figure out what to wear. When my inbox is too full I don’t want to open a single message. We have to cull the clutter before it gets out of hand, and before it gets in the way of way more important things in life. Make regular time to clean out the physical clutter in your house, to purge your digital files, to delete apps on your phone you never use. Space is so important for relaxation, for creativity, for productivity. Make sure there is plenty of it in your home, your life, and your mind.

21 - Find Exercise You Love

There is no more dragging myself to a gym that I don’t enjoy going to for me (or finding excuses to skip it). I work out so consistently and with enthusiasm now and I know it’s because I have a routine I actually really enjoy. Beyond daily walks which I always love, I have found a favorite local hike in Fort Collins that I do multiple times a week. It’s short so I know I can squeeze it into my schedule easily, making it feel doable. The biggest game changer for me though has been Barre3 online classes. They are 10, 30, 45 or 60 minutes, so no matter how much time you have, I can make it work. The instructors are uplifting and I can feel myself getting stronger. I look forward to each class, and that has made me stick with it! Working out shouldn’t be punishment.

22 - Learn Some Go-To Healthful Recipes

Maybe you are a person who has the energy to make elaborate, million ingredient, new recipes every week (or every night). If that is you, I salute you. If you are like me, and you like to cook but get overwhelmed by recipes with 88 spices you don’t have or that take too much prep time, establish some go-to healthful recipes so you can always keep the ingredients on hand, and so you know exactly how long they will take to make. My favorites are stuffed peppers, pesto chicken pasta, harvest bowls with roasted veggies, and a vegan banana bread.

23 - Wear Things You Love and Feel Good In

It is crazy how many days we have all spent in our lives walking around in clothing we don’t feel good in. Kind of sad when you think about it, right? So donate, toss, sell clothes that aren’t your style, that don’t fit, or that literally do not feel good on your body (scratchy, itchy, whatever). Notice what are the characteristics of outfits you love so you can add more of that to your wardrobe. I have done this with everything from leggings to boots. I know I have certain brands that are worth it, certain brands that fit, certain fabric types I love and hate, and it has helped me shop for things I want to live in and feel good in.

24 - Wear Good, Comfortable, Underwear (I’m not kidding on this one)

I’m a woman in my 30’s, I should have some decent underwear at this point! I have stopped shopping at Target, Gap, and other brands where the underwear stretches out, looks dingy over time, or just doesn’t feel good. I only buy Chantelle panties now because they fit, they are comfortable, they look good under everything, and they last.

25 - Never Stop Exploring

We moved to Fort Collins a little over a year ago and one thing I have loved about being in a new town is exploring. I get so much joy from trying a new coffee shop or hiking trail. I love to drive around to different neighborhoods that I haven’t seen yet. Exploring doesn’t have to mean a trip out of the country (though if it does, I’m not complaining). Exploring can mean seeing what is in your own backyard with fresh eyes.

26 - Connect to Your Community

I joined Junior League in Fort Collins when we first moved up here and I have loved getting to know so many different women and organizations in the area. It has made me feel far more connected to where we live. See if there is a local group you can join or volunteer for if you’d like to feel more connected to your town.

27 - Be Friendly with Your Neighbors

Through COVID I have learned the importance of having people close by who you can count on. We are far away from a lot of our family, and I know so many of us have been isolated through this hard time. I have become close friends with a couple of neighbors and it has been such a gift through this mess. Happy hours on the deck and even just stopping to chat fo a few on dog walks are things I will never take for granted again. If you haven’t already, try to introduce yourself to the people who live around you. You don’t have to be best friends with everybody, trust me, we have plenty of people in our neighborhood who I wave to and they don’t wave back, but having just a few people you are friendly with is enough to feel connected.

28 - Get Your Ducks In A Row Legally

My husband and I did our will and health care directives this year and it feels so calming to have everything organized officially. It also forced us to have really important conversations about our desires and plans that we might not have had otherwise. So whether you need to get things taken care of in your personal life or for your business, make sure you do. You don’t want to be scrambling in a time of crisis because you didn’t take care of things beforehand.

29 - You Don’t Have to Be Good at Everything

There are only so many hours in the day, so we all have to make choices about what is important to us, and what we want to spend time on. This year I have released the need to be good at everything. An example is that I’m ok with the fact that I can’t keep plants in the house to save my life (or theirs), and so I don’t choose to spend time on that. I used to feel like that was a failure, but it really comes down to not being able to do it all, and that just isn’t a priority for me. Choose to spend time on the things that are most important to you, and be ok with releasing the rest.

30 - Wherever You Are is Where You Are Meant to Be

My thirties have been an interesting time where I have many friends who are all in different life stages. I have peers who are single, I have peers who have babies, I have peers who are just starting a new career, I have peers who are going back to school, I have peers who already own successful businesses or manage large teams . . . you get the point. People in my life are in various stages and it can be so easy for all of us to compare where we are and feel like for whatever reason we are behind. I know the truth is just that we are all on our own paths, which means different timing and different choices. We are where we are meant to be, even if that looks very different for all of us.

31 - Know Yourself

At 32, I know that I don’t like fish, networking events, uncomfortable shoes, or music festivals. I know I love time alone, bookstores, girls trips, and picnics. I’m not trying to sound like a curmudgeon, but instead to learn from my own tastes so I can put myself in situations that make me happy, and avoid those that don’t. It is a benefit of getting older to have had more experiences that teach us our preferences, and to have the confidence to honor them.

32 - Your Energy is Precious

We are all so powerful. So much is possible when we put our minds to things. Our energy can do so much, that is not only important to harness it toward what you really want in life, but to also be so protective of it. It is abundant, but it is not infinite. Put dedicated energy toward your nurturing relationships, toward your fulfilling work, toward your own self-work, and do not dare put energy toward unfulfilling tasks whenever possible. How we spend our minutes, is how we spend our hours, is how we spend our days, is how we spend our lives. So use your energy to build the life you want and do not waste it.

That’s all I’ve got for this birthday reflection. I’d love to hear some of the wisdom you have learned in your thirties (or any stage in life) in the comments below or share with me in a message. Cheers!